What made you stop being an addict?

I knew something had to be done about my wasting existence because if nothing changes, then nothing changes.

And these were just the act and not the mental and social problems associated with addiction.

I went there early in the morning trying to watch a movie and I found the CD inside the video player so I decided to watch what was on it and that was the beginning of the life I never wanted.

How far does good behavior take you in a prison?

There were times I was counting the days when I'm clean. But now I don't, because I got tired of counting and relapsing and starting all over again.

I just finished watching the best of the best p*rn videos on the planet. Now there's nothing else to look for on p*rn sites again.

I know some people masturbate and they don't have the problems I went through.

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RUN 🏃‍♂️ for your dear life

And I DID IT EVERYDAY

Just keep trying

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There were times I could go 3 months without watching p*rn or masturbating but somehow I always came back to it.

So I thought had unlocked a new potential in life. I was doing it even if I don't feel the urge. I forced the urge to come by watching pornography.

I didn't even start counting the days because I didn't really believe I would get this far.

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All I knew was that, I couldn't masturbate without p*rn. I was first getting the urge to watch p*rn, while watching, I would now feel like masturbating.

I started rubbing it and I liked how I was feeling so I kept on doing it faster and EUREKA, sperms came out of my dick.

So all I had to do was to find a way to trick my dirty brain to think that p*rn isn't nice.

What is something you want to "get off your chest"?

Now I don't wait to be talked to before I respond. I talk when I think I'm supposed to.

It didn't feel great after ejaculating but hey, who cares about feelings?

But how was I going to do it when everything I knew wasn't working? I didn't know

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Is masturbation and p*rn bad?

I got tired of always breaking the promises I made to myself.

Now how do you quit your addiction?

Thinking from a spiritual perspective, can we say that the journey in recovering from narcissistic abuse a battle of spiritual warfare? Any thoughts on this?

I did it in my administrator's office.

Have I stopped seeing girls as sex objects? Not entirely, I still want to f*ck some of them.

I remember sitting on the bed and smiling and that was when it hit me that I have successfully masturbated.

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Do I wake up everyday with lots of energy? No but that's because I have a health problem, which is a story for another day.

But for me, I would say RUN away from it

I don't know if all addictions are like this 🤔

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Am I totally free? I don't know 😕

Oh, and everyday I woke up tired 😫 I never slept early too. My mental health was nothing to write home about.

It took me days to finish watching them. Finally I decided to go to the washroom to do The Last Fap.

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Now I know I have all the nice videos on my phone, the rest I don't have, are not nice. So I had to start watching them one after the other. Some of them were even 2 hours long but I made sure I watched every little bit of it.

I saw every girl or woman as a sex object including kid girls. There was no way I would look at a woman and not think of f*cking her.

No self esteem. No confidence. No ambition. Just dreams.

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Now I have the mental fortitude to face life's every day battles.

I made sure I downloaded every video that was nice for me. This took almost the whole day.

I did it in my room. I did it in my washroom. I did it in school in the washrooms.

What makes a woman attractive?

This was February 2019.

I so badly wanted to f*uk a girl, yet I was so shy of girls. I never wanted to meet anyone. I always wanted to hide behind the phone and text.

Read that again ☝️

Why do some young mothers trick a guy into believing that they're pregnant and it's their child when years later they find out that it's not even theirs should he still pay child support or not?

And I can also talk to them now.

I remember I once did it in my classroom at dawn. I did it in the hospital's washrooms. I did it in the lab where I work; both daytime and midnight.

I always wished they would sit inappropriately or the wind would blow up their dress so I can see things.

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I went on my favourite site and started scrolling through my favourite categories; petite girls, sleeping girls, Japanese girls, Japanese mom, Japanese wife, massage, forced, in the bus, gangb*ng, Muslim girls, ebony, student and teacher, in the classroom, curvy, African, etc

I knew about masturbation but I didn't actually think of doing it but one day, on my bed when I was preparing to go to school I was watching pornography and something just came in mind; why don't you rob your dick with your hand?

So I'm still hanging on this lie.

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I secretly kept on watching and watching until I got 19. At this time, I had started feeling the urge to ejaculate as I was watching the pornography.

Was quitting worth the effort? At least for my mental health, it's a billion times worth it.

Around age 9 I discovered pornography through my uncle, he had left the CD in the video player in the night after enjoying himself.

Remember, if nothing changes, nothing changes.

The harder I tried, the worse it became. I could get angry with myself and go about 3 days without it but when I relapse, I can do 3 in a day. And the subsequent days; it's just me getting drowned in the rabbit hole.

I did it while watching my sister. I did it while touching my sister 😭 I did it while watching my landlord's daughter.

A couple of months later I started hating it and regretting after every session. Yet, I couldn't stop.